The Greatest Gift we can give our children is the knowledge that they can first rely on themselves for the answers to their problems. A child who develops an attitude that says, "I can probably find my own solutions, and if not, adults will be willing to give me some advice," becomes a survivor. This child usually has the edge in learning, relating to others, and making his or her way in the world.
You may ask yourself, "What can I do to make sure my child gets ahead or is a winner?" or "What can I do to help my child be successful, feel secure, and lead a happy life?" The Greatest Gift you can give your child(ren) is a foundation for success which lies in the belief that the best solution to any problem comes from within. Then if you don't find the answers, ask for advice from others.
Parents and teachers can help children develop this attitude by being understanding and sympathetic each time a child has a problem. This can be expressed in a variety of ways such as, "I bet that really bothers you," or "Wow! I bet that makes you feel mad," or "If that happened to me, I would really feel..." These types of statements usually bring about some kind of response that conveys that the child is relieved that we understand. As soon as we see that response, it is time to ask one of the most important questions children will ever hear, "What do you think you are going to do about it?" This is a powerful statement because it implies that we know the child is capable of doing his or her own thinking.
This question is often answered by, "I don't know." This is a good time to offer some different kinds of solutions. We discuss the possible consequences with the youngster and then allow the child to choose the solution he/she likes best, even if it means that the child decides not to solve his/her problem.
Children have too few opportunities to learn about and practice for the real world. These opportunities present themselves most often as problems to solve or decisions to make. Each time I move into the situation, solve the problem, or rescue the child, I have stolen one of the child's growth experiences. He or she is now less prepared to face the real world than if I had been there with understanding and the question, "What are you going to do about it?"
Here are some simple steps you can take to give your child(ren) the greatest gift you can ever give them in preparation for their future in this world:
1. Show understanding
2. Ask, "How are you going to solve the problem?"
3. Share some choices.
4. Help him/her look at the consequences.
5. Give the child permission to solve it or not solve it.
Article adapted from the book, "The Pearls of Love and Logic For Parents And Teachers" by Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline, M.D.
Monique Poppen
Blessed Member of Internet Ceo Moms
http://www.ServingMamasOnline.com
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