Should We Force Children to Apologize

I never thought for a moment that I was forcing my son to ask forgiveness when he did wrong but after having read this article written by Charles Fay I began to understand the greater importance. A familiar phrase I use to hear my dad say when I was young was, "We can lead a horse to water but we can't make him drink" so true of our children. We can't make them be sorry but we can model the example and encourage them in the right way that can lead them to doing things from the sincerity of their hearts, which is far more rewarding. Here is the article written by Charles Fay....feel free to leave any comments, I would love to hear from you.

"Since the dawn of time, parents have felt a tremendous responsibility to make their children apologize to others for their wrongdoings. "Go tell him that you're sorry" must be one of the most commonly uttered phrases by adults at playgrounds throughout the world.

Here are some Love and Logic thoughts on the subject:

1. Forced apologies are rarely sincere apologies.
   
   
   While I agree that children should apologize when they cause problems, whether they do so with a sincere heart is something we cannot always control. Probably the best way to up the odds is for us to be good models of this in front of our kids.
   


2. Actions speak louder than words.
   
   
   There's a big difference between a person saying that they are sorry and showing that they are. Saying is relatively easy. Showing is a lot tougher.
   


3. Kids should be expected to do something that demonstrates their remorse.
   
   
   Wise parents say, "Telling him that you are sorry is a great way to start! What can you do to show him that you are sorry?"
   


4. Younger children typically need some guidance figuring out what they might do to demonstrate their sorrow.
   
   
   Wise parents also give some options: "Some kids decide to write a nice card. How would that work? Some kids decide to buy a new one with their own money.…"

When all else fails, some parents experiment with the Energy Drain technique. In his CD, Love and Logic Magic^® When Kids Drain Your Energy, my dad, Jim Fay, teaches how to inform your children that refusing to do something that you've asked of them drains your energy. Until they get that energy replaced, you'll need to rest instead of doing special things for them."

Dr. Charles Fay